Escape to Paradise: Luxurious Finca Hotel in Colombia's Rio Negro Zona Franca
Escape to Paradise: My Rollercoaster Ride at a Luxurious Finca Hotel in Colombia's Rio Negro Zona Franca (and why you NEED to book!)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I just got back from a trip to Escape to Paradise, and let me tell you, it was a ride. Forget those glossy travel brochures with their perfect smiles and staged photos. I'm here to give you the REAL scoop, the good, the… well, the real.
Let's get this straight - I'm a creature of comfort, a sucker for a good spa, and a total sucker for anything that remotely resembles paradise. Did Escape to Paradise deliver? Mostly. Did it make me want to chuck my phone into the nearest llama farm (more on that later)? Possibly. But did I also have some seriously incredible moments? Absolutely.
First Impressions (and My Panic Attack About Accessibility):
Getting there was surprisingly easy. Airport transfer? Smooth as Colombian coffee. And the hotel? Nestled in Colombia's Rio Negro Zona Franca. (For those of you, like me, who had to Google "Zona Franca"… it’s like a tax-free zone thingy). Now, I’m not gonna lie, the first thing I stressed about was accessibility (and, let's face it, I stress about everything). I need to be able to get around. The website touted "facilities for disabled guests," and a “wheelchair accessible” promise, which is exactly what I needed to hear.
- Accessibility: The main areas, including the lobby and restaurants, seemed pretty good with easy access. But the pathways between the different buildings/amenities? Some were more "adventure course" than accessible path. (Okay, maybe I exaggerate, but some had slight inclines and uneven paving that could be tricky). They did have an elevator, thank the heavens, but I'd suggest calling in advance to confirm specific needs.
- Check In/Out: While they offered Contactless check-in/out, they also had a very charming front desk that was willing to assist, and even remember my name. They tried to make it feel seamless, and I appreciate the effort.
The Room: My Personal Fortress of Serenity (Mostly)
Okay, the rooms. Chef's kiss. Air conditioning? Check. Blackout curtains? Double check. Extra long bed? YES! (Seriously, I'm tall. It's a thing). And the free Wi-Fi in all rooms was a lifesaver (especially since I may or may not have been trying to get a little work done… okay, fine, I was mostly binge-watching TV). The Internet access – wireless was fantastic. Oh, and the complimentary tea and free bottled water were a beautiful touch. The whole setup made the rooms feel luxurious.
- Bathroom: I appreciated the separate shower/bathtub and having both slippers and bathrobes available. The toiletries were also surprisingly high-quality.
- Little Quirks: I loved the quirky, rustic decorations, even though the mirror placement made putting on make-up a bit awkward.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: A Culinary Adventure (with a Few Hiccups)
Listen, I'm a foodie. I LIVE for the eating and drinking. Escape to Paradise had a lot to offer, but it wasn't perfect.
- The Good: The Asian cuisine in restaurant was actually surprisingly good! Breakfast [buffet] was a beast. Lots of options, but, the Western breakfast was a little lacking. The Poolside bar was a lifesaver, especially the happy hour. Delicious cocktails!
- The Okay: Coffee/tea in restaurant and the Coffee shop was a nice touch.
- The Maybe-Skip: While they offered a Vegetarian restaurant, the menu didn't change much.
- The Quirky: I tried a dessert made of local fruits that was…interesting. Let's just say it was an experience. The Room service [24-hour] was a necessity one night when I felt like hiding away in my room.
Spa, Relaxation, and the Quest for Bliss (and Maybe a Little Body Scrub):
Okay, this is where Escape to Paradise really shines. The Spa is legitimately incredible.
- The Must-Do: The Massage I'm a massage snob, and this wasn't just a massage; it was a religious experience. The therapists were pros, and the room, ah, the room. Dimly lit, smelling of exotic flowers… I almost fell asleep before they even started. It was pure bliss.
- The Chill Zone: The Pool with view was gorgeous. I spent an afternoon just floating and staring at the mountains. Highly recommend. The Sauna, Steamroom, and Spa/sauna were spot on.
- The Maybe-Try: I had a Body scrub. it was not my favorite.
Things to Do: Beyond the Spa (Because, C'mon, You Can't Just Spa ALL Day)
- The Cool: There was a Fitness center if you were feeling ambitious (I wasn’t). I can’t comment much, but it looked pretty well kitted out. They also offer a Bicycle parking, and even On-site event hosting.
- The Quirky: I stumbled upon a Shrine while exploring the grounds. Definitely unexpected.
- The Potential: I didn’t use the Meeting/banquet facilities, but they looked well-equipped for business or special events.
Cleanliness and Safety: The Pandemic Reality Check
I was super impressed with the COVID-19 protocols. Everything was spotless, and they went above and beyond to make you feel safe.
- The Positives: Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer everywhere, Individually-wrapped food options, and Rooms sanitized between stays.
- The Extra Mile: They had Staff trained in safety protocol and a Doctor/nurse on call (just in case!).
- The Important Bit: They were very clear about Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, which was reassuring.
Services and Conveniences: Making Life Easy (and Maybe a Little Too Easy)
They have a lot of services, but the most important things are:
- Concierge: Helpful and knowledgeable.
- Daily housekeeping: Flawless.
- Laundry service: A life-saver.
- Cash withdrawal: Super convenient.
For the Kids: (If You Have Them, I Don't):
They had a Family/child friendly setup, plus Babysitting service which some parents will love.
Getting Around: So You Don't Get Lost Forever
- Airport transfer: Super smooth.
- Car park [free of charge]: Convenient. Also, Car park [on-site].
- Taxi service: Readily available.
Things That Made Me Laugh (and Maybe Whine a Little):
- The Llama Farm (Not Actually On Property, but…): Okay, so once, I was walking and got momentarily lost (which is easy to do in the Zona Franca). I stumbled upon a llama farm. It was adorable, but it also made me question my life choices for about five minutes.
- The Occasional No Internet. – Nothing is perfect.
- The Rain. It rains a lot in Colombia. One day I walked outside and got soaked.
Overall Verdict: Book it! (But with a Few Caveats)
Escape to Paradise isn't perfect. It's got little quirks and imperfections (like that slightly wonky pathway). But honestly? That’s part of its charm. The incredible spa, the stunning views, the amazing food… it all adds up to something truly special.
My recommendation? Book a massage (multiple, if possible). Get lost (just a little). Embrace the adventure. You'll leave feeling refreshed, relaxed, and maybe a little bit in love with Colombia.
A REALLY GOOD OFFER (because I want you to go!):
Book your stay at Escape to Paradise for a minimum of 3 nights and receive:
- A complimentary couples massage (because, seriously, you deserve it).
- A bottle of premium Colombian rum upon arrival (because, well, Colombia!).
- 10% off all spa treatments (except the Llama-themed one- because you know it’s a joke).
- Free upgrade to a room on a higher floor with a better view
- Priority booking at the Asian Cuisine restaurant
This offer is only valid for bookings made through this review and is limited to the next 30 days. Don't miss out!
Click here to book your escape to paradise! (I'm not actually including a link, but you get the idea!) You won't regret it. (Unless you hate llamas. Then, maybe.)
Escape to Paradise: Farmhouse Inn Forestville's Unforgettable Charm
Okay, buckle up Buttercup, because this isn't your grandma's itinerary. We're going to Colombia, to a finca hotel in Zona Franca Rio Negro, and honestly? I'm already sweating from the anticipation (and probably the humidity). This is going to be a beautiful, chaotic, and possibly hilarious mess. Here we go:
THE ABSOLUTELY UNREAL, SLIGHTLY PANICKY, AND TOTALLY HYPER-REAL COLOMBIAN ADVENTURE: FINCA HOTEL EDITION
**Pre-Trip Freakout (AKA Important Stuff We'll *Probably* Forget):**
- Flights: Got 'em! (I think…) Double-checked the confirmation… thrice. Remember the passport, dummy. And the tiny travel pillow that makes me look like a grumpy sloth? Must. Have.
- Packing: Still a work in progress. I swear I saw a packing list somewhere, but where? Currently, my suitcase is a swirling vortex of anxiety, half-packed clothes, and a growing pile of "maybe I'll need this" items. (Spoiler alert: I won't.)
- Spanish: "Hola." "Gracias." "Una cerveza, por favor." Boom. I'm essentially fluent. (Don't judge me; I'm aiming for survival, not Shakespeare.)
- Expectations: Setting them low, people. VERY low. This is Colombia, not the Maldives. Expect the unexpected. Expect delays. Expect… well, expect me to whine (but also to be wildly grateful for the experience).
Day 1: Arrival and Initial Sensory Overload
- Morning (Bogotá Airport Debacle): Land eventually. Pray the luggage arrives with us. (Last time? Let's just say my toothbrush spent a lovely week in Dubai.) The air hits you – thick, humid, and smelling of… something wonderful. Coffee? Flowers? Or just the general buzz of a country that's alive. Immigration… wish me luck. I'm notoriously bad at following instructions. (Picture me, wide-eyed, fumbling with my passport, probably spilling coffee down my shirt.)
- Afternoon (The Drive to Rio Negro): Taxi ride! Hopefully, the driver speaks some English. Prepare for a breathtaking (and potentially terrifying) drive. Colombia's roads? They are… an experience. I've heard stories. Mountainous curves, vibrant chaos, and drivers who treat stop signs like polite suggestions. Deep breaths, and try not to hyperventilate. This is when reality smacks you in the face and you start to understand the scope of your adventure. I, personally, will be glued to the window, eyes wide, trying to soak it all in, while my stomach tries to revolt.
- Late Afternoon (Check-in and Initial Finca Fascination): Arrive at the finca hotel. Oh, Lord, let it be as beautiful as the pictures! (Because, let's be honest, online photos are often lies.) Immediate reaction: swoon. Hopefully, the room doesn't have spiders the size of dinner plates. Unpack (or attempt to). Explore the grounds. Breathe. And, most importantly, find the bar. Because jet lag is real, and it's a thirst trap.
- Evening (Dinner and the First Colombian Sunset): Dinner at the hotel. Try everything. Be adventurous! (Unless it looks like it's staring back at you. Then, maybe not.) Watch the sunset. Cue the existential angst, the grateful sighs, and the feeling that you've stumbled into something utterly magical.
Day 2: Coffee Country and the Art of Doing Absolutely Nothing
- Morning (Coffee Plantation Excursion): Okay, this is the BIG ONE. The reason I came. Coffee! Coffee! Coffee! A tour of a coffee plantation. The smell. The process. The tasting! Prepare for a caffeine-fueled explosion of joy. Honestly, this is what I'm living for. I'm imagining myself as a knowledgeable coffee connoisseur, waxing poetic about the subtle notes of chocolate and caramel. The reality will likely be me, stumbling around, covered in coffee grounds, looking utterly bewildered.
- Afternoon (Poolside Bliss, Attempted): Back at the hotel. Pool time! Read a book. Do. Absolutely. Nothing. (This is the goal, but honestly, I'm terrible at it. I'll probably be pacing, checking my phone, and generally feeling restless.) But I'll try. (And maybe shed a tear of sheer relaxation.)
- Evening (Dinner and Colombian Music - potentially a disaster): Dinner. More amazing food! (I hope.) Maybe some live music? This could go one of two ways: 1) I'm captivated! I'll be dancing with the locals, learning salsa moves, and feeling completely integrated into the Colombian culture. 2) I'll be awkwardly shuffling my feet, feeling self-conscious, and wishing I'd stayed in my room. (The odds are heavily stacked in favor of option #2.) The thing is, if the music's good enough, forget the shyness, you'll want to dance.
Day 3: Waterfall Wonders and the Search for the Perfect Arepa
- Morning (Waterfall Hike): Okay, active day! A hike to a waterfall. (Hopefully not a treacherous one. My balance is… questionable.) The promise of stunning scenery – lush greenery, cascading water, the sound of nature. I'll probably get lost. I'll definitely sweat. But the reward? Worth it, I hope. (And if not, there’s always the bar afterward.)
- Afternoon (Arepa Quest and Local Market Exploration): The quest for the perfect arepa begins! This is serious business. Explore a local market! The colors, the smells, the noise! The chaos! Find the most authentic arepa vendor and sample their wares. (Be brave. Try everything!) Learn to haggle. Embrace the craziness.
- Evening (Farewell Dinner and Reflections - aka, "Did I actually do this?"): Final dinner at the hotel. Recount the trip's best moments, or the ones that made you want to throw up. Maybe a bit of journaling. Reflect on how incredible it all was, while vowing to learn more Spanish. And maybe, just maybe, already planning the next trip.
Day 4: Sighs, Goodbyes, and the Flight of Doom
- Morning (Last Breakfast/Coffee): One last amazing Colombian breakfast! Then, one last incredible coffee to remember it all.
- Afternoon (Travel to the Airport): The dreaded departure process starts. Will I cry? Probably. Maybe. It's a strong maybe. Final glances. The last smells. A desperate attempt to burn the memories into my brain before they're replaced by the monotony of everyday life at home.
- Evening (Flight Home and Post-Trip Meltdown): The flight! Shudder. The memories. The longing already. Post-trip blues will kick in. "I should have stayed!" "I should have eaten more!" "I should have learned Spanish!". The cycle begins!
Important Considerations (Because I'm a Mess):
- Mosquitoes: Bug spray! Lots of it! And then more! I am a mosquito magnet.
- Sunscreen: More than you think you'll need. Colombia is close to the equator, and the sun is a vindictive beast.
- Water: Drink it. All of it. Stay hydrated, or you'll be a sad, dehydrated mess.
- Pace Yourself: This is not a sprint, it's a marathon. Don't try to do everything. Embrace the moments of doing nothing.
- Be Open to the Unexpected: Things will go wrong. They will. That's part of the fun. Just roll with it, laugh, and try to appreciate the chaos.
- Leave Room for Spontaneity: This is an itinerary, not a prison sentence. Don't be afraid to change plans on a whim. If you see something interesting, DO IT.
- Embrace the Mess: This is life. It's beautiful. It's messy. And, hopefully, it will be the trip of a lifetime.
And that's it! The absolutely imperfect guide to an absolutely imperfect Colombian adventure. Wish me luck, because I'm going to need it. Now, where's that packing list…?
Stockholm's Sky High Luxury: Unbelievable Hotel Apartments!
Escape to Paradise: FAQs - Because, Trust Me, You Need the Truth (and Probably a Cocktail)
Okay, "Escape to Paradise" sounds... well, *perfect*. Is it actually? Please, don't lie to me. I've been burned by Instagram before.
Alright, buckle up, Buttercup. Paradise? More like Paradise *adjacent*. Look, the pictures? They *mostly* don't lie. That infinity pool overlooking the valley? Stunning. I'll admit, I nearly choked on my guava juice the first time I saw it. But perfect? Let’s just say I spent a solid hour trying to adjust the shower's temperature from "Arctic Blast" to "Lukewarm Bliss." And the WiFi? Let’s just say you'll be experiencing "digital detox" whether you like it or not. I personally *loved* that; my boss probably wanted me shot. But yeah, it’s pretty darn good. Just don't expect everything to be flawlessly polished. Embrace the quirks, that's where the real fun is, honestly.
What's the deal with the location in Rio Negro Zona Franca? Sounds...industrial.
Right, "Rio Negro Zona Franca." Sounds like a place where robots assemble washing machines, doesn't it? It's actually *less* industrial than it sounds. Think rolling hills, fresh air, and enough space to feel like you've escaped civilization, even if you're suspiciously close to a giant warehouse. The finca (that's the hotel, fancy-pants) is tucked away, so you really don't notice the… *ahem*… *other* side of things. On a clear day (which is most of them, thankfully), the views are breathtaking. And listen, I’ve been to tourist traps where the "view" was a dumpster fire across the street. This is much, much better. Plus, the Zona Franca aspect means taxes are lower! More money for cocktails, naturally.
The food... tell me about the food! Is it just fancy salads and tiny portions? Because if so, I'm packing my emergency bag of Doritos.
Oh, the food. Now we're talking! No, no, no tiny portions here. Well, *sometimes*, but mostly no. Expect a delicious mix of Colombian specialties and international cuisine. Think fresh-caught fish, incredible grilled meats, and fruits you've probably never even *seen* before, let alone tasted. The breakfast buffet? Forget about it. Seriously, you'll spend half the morning just wandering around in a food coma, trying to decide between arepas, plantains, eggs, and about a dozen different kinds of fruit. I gained five pounds in five days. Worth it. I might have also "accidentally" taken a few extra *empanadas* back to my room for a midnight snack. Don't judge me.
What's there to *do* besides staring at the pool and eating myself silly? (Although...those are both pretty good options.)
Okay, fine, you want to *do* things. Besides the aforementioned staring / eating. There are horseback riding tours (I chickened out, but everyone else seemed to love it – the horse clearly didn't think much about my bravery), hiking trails, and opportunities for exploring the surrounding area. There's also a spa, which I highly recommend. I got the best massage of my life...and then fell asleep drooling on the table. Classy, I know. One day I thought I'd be all adventurous and decided to try the zip-lining. I was so excited... until I nearly peed my pants the moment I stepped off the platform. And then...it was magnificent, once the terror subsided! The point is: there's something for everyone, from the 'I want to chill' to the 'I am Tarzan, hear me roar!' crowd. Find your level of chill or adventure. Just don’t trip over your own feet like I did. Twice.
Alright, I'm sold. But what was the *absolute* best part of the experience? Spill the beans.
Okay, here's the real, raw truth. The *best* part? God, it’s hard to choose. Maybe… no, *definitely* the moment I finally managed to completely switch off. I mean, *completely*. No emails, no endless scrolling (thanks, wonky WiFi!), just me… and the sunshine. I had spent way too long chained to my desk, battling deadlines, and generally feeling like a frazzled hen. I went there, ready to be impressed, but secretly expecting to be disappointed. I was wrong. The sheer feeling of *peace* that washed over me, sitting by the pool, sipping a freshly made *Lulo* juice (trust me, it's insane), watching the clouds drift by... It was like my brain finally got a much-needed vacation too. It’s funny, I'd planned so many activities and excursions, but I ended up spending most of my time just... *being*. And honestly? That was the most luxurious thing of all. I wish I could bottle that feeling and take it home with me. Ah, and one more thing, and this is a small, silly detail but: the dogs at the hotel. They're friendly, happy, and they just enhanced the feeling of being at home!
What about the downsides? Be honest.
Okay, here we go. The downsides? Alright… the WiFi *is* spotty (I've already said that, but it bears repeating). The staff are incredibly helpful and friendly, but sometimes communication can be a *little* tricky if your Spanish is as bad as mine (which is, like, "one beer, please"). The roads getting to the hotel aren't exactly smooth, so prepare for a slightly bumpy ride. And listen, there were a few times when I thought, "Huh, I wonder where this mosquito is coming from?". You know, little things. But honestly? None of these things even *began* to detract from the overall experience. They just added a little extra… *character*. I didn't even care about any of it after I had that first cocktail.
Would you go back? Be brutally honest!
Would I go back? Are you kidding me? I'm already planning my return! In fact, I'm starting to think I might need a *permanent* escape to Paradise. Just sayin'. I'm seriously considering selling my left kidney to afford a longer stay. Or, you know, maybe a really good timeshare deal. But yes, absolutely, unequivocally, and with a resounding YES! Go. Just go. You won't regret it... unless you're allergic to fun, in which case, maybe stay home and watch paint dry.
Is it kid-friendly? I’m a parent, and family getaways are always a gamble.
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